Posts Tagged ‘gadgets’

the “Spare Oom”

There exists, beyond the confines of ‘suburban living’, beyond the order and sanity of your IKEA shelving and Habitat storage baskets, a world far more terrifying than our own. A world where the laws of physics and nature no longer apply. A world where to merely look upon it’s limitless depths and staggering heights, would drive men to weep and gouge their eyes out so they may never again see such insanity.

You may call it “A-tic”, or “Stare Cub Oord”, we call it “Spare Oom”(*)

How, in just 3 years, have we managed to fill an entire room with junk? How have we managed to fill a room with junk we don’t even want or need?

  • The airbed with the umpteen punctures;
  • The printer that hasn’t worked in years;
  • 2 (!) old mattresses;
  • The giant bag of unknown cables (that of course holds the very cable we need, after we throw it away);
  • And, of course, the Foot Spa.

a small rant

Ah yes, the Foot Spa. Has ever a gadget existed that more succinctly encapsulates the excess of the modern day consumer?

Do they save time? Can you share them with others (would you want to?)? The box is huge, you have to fill them and empty them of water, you need a towel when you use it. Is it meant to be something to use while watching the TV? Who knows! But I know I don’t want someone soaking and wet-sanding their feet while I’m in the same room as them. Feet are gross enough as it is (that’s why we invented lovely shoes) without inventing giant gadgets to blow bubbles around them.

I dislike feet, I dislike Foot Spas.

back on track

So, venturing into Spare Oom, the task has been to clear it, de-junk it and sort it. Have you ever tried lifting a super-deep double mattress on your own? It hurts, but not as much as being trapped between two mattresses and having to slide out the side like a worm, being birthed from between two mattress ‘lips’.

Of course, if only it was as simple as throwing away rubbish and tidying what’s left. No, we want to put the stuff in our loft so we can decorate the room and make a nicer guest bedroom. This means boarding the loft. Which means insulating the loft. Which means clearing the loft.

So, this Bank Holiday weekend, think of me and wish me well, as I not only become a DIY cliché, but I also get covered in spiders the size of my hand, and cry, and squeal.

(*) Okay, so C.S. Lewis got there first, but he was onto something…