Illumination (or letting the light in)

“Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”

~ Anthem, Leonard Cohen

Perfection, the pursuit of being perfect – the desire to do everything ‘right’ – I’ll be honest, it’s exhausting!

I wrote something similar in an earlier entry back in November (On Forgiveness), and I find myself looking to remember it now.

I need to remind myself of this purely because if I don’t, I so easily (and quickly!) allow myself to believe that I am a continual failure. That I continually let down, anger and disappoint those around me.

I think that the truth is different. I think I only really let down and disappoint those who care about me, by allowing myself to spiral and create a whole (imaginary!) negative world-view.

I think it’s then a sadness from others that I have allowed myself to spoil my own experiences and memories. That I preemptively take away my own ability to find fun and joy in my day-to-day life.

What I need to continue to work on is believing that just being ‘me’ with all my imperfections is okay.  I need to keep hold of a few core facts. And I need to remember that these are facts:

  • I am liked for just being ‘me’.
  • I have value and worth to others because of who I ‘am’, not just the things I can ‘do’.
  • Those who care about me are not going to wake up tomorrow and decide they hate me after all.
    – this is a hard one to get my head round!
  • Those who care about me are not thinking about me that much!
    – I am not the topic of constant negative thought I all too frequently imagine!
  • I am not perfect, I will get things wrong and make mistakes.
    – this doesn’t make me a bad person or negate the good things about me.

The good news in all this is that, apparently, people who worry tend to be the smartest, most creative people. It takes a lot of imagination to dream up all these worries!

So, hey! If nothing else, I have that on my side!

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9 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by thetrickykid on January 17th 2011 at 12:26 pm

    Some good thoughts here.

    I’d like to turn it on its head a little, and ask you how your ‘facts’ apply directly to you and how you feel about yourself. Do you feel that “I continually let down, anger and disappoint” myself? Do you value yourself for being who you are, not just what you do? Do you like yourself just for being you? Apply this to each ‘fact’ in turn for a change of viewpoint.

    We don’t even want you to be ‘perfect’ anyways, it’d only make us feel like we were all failing. What is all this perfection anyways? Do you really want perfection. What then? I believe that you are already managing to be the ultimate expression of you already. Yes, you are already there. That doesn’t mean that you won’t change, learn, expand – but that you have already done a lot of this just to arrive where you are.

    These worries are just more stress on an already stressful life. We already like ‘who you are’ not ‘what you do’ – maybe take our word for it, or at least consider that in the tradition of TV detectives, you are “just too close” to see you are already succeeding, or excelling, in the complex task of being you.

    Its all good. Really.

    Reply

    • Hi,

      Turning things on their head, as you suggest and asking these questions:

      Do I feel that “I continually let down, anger and disappoint” myself? Do I value myself for being who I am, not just what I do? Do I like myself just for being me?

      If I’m honest – yes, no and not very much – respectively.

      It’s more that my self-worth and sense of self has been so knocked and damaged – that often I’m unable to see who I am or where I ‘fit’ anymore.

      But thank you for the nice comments, that does mean a lot 🙂

      Reply

  2. Posted by Captain caveman on January 17th 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

    Reply

  3. Posted by Captain caveman on January 17th 2011 at 7:17 pm

    Every moment you get is a gift. Spend it on things that matter. Don’t spend it by dwelling on unhappy things.

    Reply

  4. Posted by Captain caveman on January 17th 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to.

    Only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement.

    Reply

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