this circle doesn’t fit its little square

“I’ve been a long term disappointment to myself
But it hits like a hammer when I’m that to someone else”

~ Wonder Stuff, ‘Circle Square’

Looking back on these last 2 months of sharing my thoughts via the medium of this blog, I’m struck by one overwhelming and inescapable conclusion.

I.

Am.

A.

Miserable.

Bastard.

There’s no escaping this conclusion. There is barely a single post here that doesn’t focus on introspection and self-critiquing of the most toe-curlingly egotistical manner.* I can spend hours, days, weeks! brooding and analysing every aspect of myself. I can pick away at the smallest, most inconsequential word or deed. Scratching and poking it in my mind, until, like a child picking at a scab, I have made a scar. A permanent reminder of a perceived failing or slight, etched into my personality.

This really pisses me off.

I said in a previous post that I am not naturally a negative person. How true is that? I wake up everyday wanting to be happy, wanting  things to be bigger, stronger, faster – more.

Excuse me while I make a drink…

the glass half-empty

Am I glass half-empty kinda guy?

“Can’t I have a mug? I always break glasses… oh, okay there’s no glasses anyway? No, no, a paper cup is fine… “

Yes, I have always been a glass half-empty person, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it (and so fulfilling my earlier assertion by being down about being negative…)

a clean glass

So I tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna put away the glass I was given, and get myself a new, shiny, clean glass.

  • No chips.
  • No scratches.
  • No cat hair mysteriously stuck to the outside (eeeew!).

A clean glass, a fresh start.

the glass half-full

And every day, I’m going to fill my glass with the things I want it to hold.

Herewith, a recipe (a cocktail if you like, I know I do!) for good times ahead:

  • 2 measures: Relationships and friendships that bring me joy
  • 1 measure: Hobbies that bring me pleasure and satisfaction
  • 1 measure: Knowledge and learning that helps me grow
  • 2 measures: Experiences and living that nourishes my soul

Strain over ice into a chilled (laid-back, easy going) glass.

Enjoy.

the Circle – Squared

I know, I know – I’m mixing my metaphors like a metaphorical DJ, glasses, liquids, circles, squares. I never promised logic!

In summary then, this is my plan, to square the circle, and restore balance to my life. A delicious cocktail every day.

I’m going to the bar, who wants a drink? 🙂

*Although, is it possible to be egotistical about being worthless? Surely a conundrum that ranks alongside Schrödinger’s cat

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Captain caveman on May 19th 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Maybe I should take the mike,
    stand up tall like Michael Stipe,
    and try to solve all the problems of the earth.
    Or maybe then I should sit back down,
    scratch my chin and use my frown,
    and try to figure out exactly what I’m worth.

    Reply

  2. Posted by Captain caveman on May 19th 2010 at 7:59 pm

    You know that I’ve been drunk a thousand times,
    and these should be the best days of my life,
    Life, it’s not what I thought it was.
    Damn blast, look at my past,
    ripping up my feet over broken glass.
    Oh wow, look at me now,
    I’m building up my problems to the size of a cow.

    Reply

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