On… Failure

So you find me, dishevelled, sweaty and grubby at the tail of end of what should have been a fulfilling weekend.

Instead, I feel thoroughly worthless, useless and pathetic.

I have, it would be fair to say, failed in my task to board the available floor space on the loft. I have failed in adding extra insulation (the broken insulation boards scattered around the loft are proof of that). And I knew from the get-go that doing even simple tasks like moving a light switch would be beyond me.

I have, however, screwed boards that barely Tongue and Groove. I have cut huge holes to go round beams where my measuring skills deserted me. I have left unfinished edges and awkward gaps after blunting 2 jigsaw blades and not understanding how to cut the loft boards any differently.

Failure sits heavy on the shoulders, and makes the world seem so bleak. I’m sure I’ll get over it, but how to prevent it in future?

One answer is to never try, to just get someone else to do it. That seems sad and a loss of learning opportunities. Then again, have I learnt anything? Other than that I am incompetent, that my abilities don’t even come close to the things I want to do.

This weekend, I wanted to relax, and to paint and get a sense of personal satisfaction after a couple of tough weeks at work.

Instead I am exhausted, I have wasted time, money and effort on achieving nothing. And now, I move into another week at work feeling more pathetic and pointless and stressed than I have done in a long, long time.

8 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Captain caveman on May 9th 2010 at 4:57 pm

    Lofts eh?


  2. Posted by Captain caveman on May 9th 2010 at 5:02 pm

    “We’re our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.”


    • The dragon always seems to win. At least in this story.


      • Posted by Captain caveman on May 9th 2010 at 5:10 pm

        I think tom Robbins has most the answers to most things:     “When life demands more of people than they demand of life – as is ordinarily the case – what results is a resentment of life almost as deep-seated as the fear of death”

  3. Posted by Captain caveman on May 9th 2010 at 5:12 pm

    It probably won’t help if I admit I am writing this whilst locked away in the smallest room of the house and only midway through proceedings? No? I won’t mention it then.


  4. Posted by thetrickykid on May 11th 2010 at 8:12 pm

    If it were easy, we wouldn’t need you to do it would we?

    I feel your DIY pain chum.


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